Anjasaurus

Nätvänligheten vs näthatet

This will be in Swedish.

Josh på Enligt min humla skriver än en gång bra om näthatet och nätvänligheten, och nu med en mer direkt uppmaning åt alla att dela med sig av sina goda erfarenheter av nätet. Det är ju helt klart svårt att motstå, särskilt som det har betytt mycket i mitt liv.

Det började väl med MSN och chattar som Aftonbladets, och communities som Lunarstorm. Jag var alltid ganska blyg och ointresserad av socialt umgänge, men med hjälp av de här så väcktes mitt intresse för det sociala, skulle man kunna säga. Här kunde jag vara precis den jag ville vara och strunta i vad för förutfattade meningar andra kunde ha om mig.

På den vägen träffade jag sedan en pojkvän och gjorde en lång resa med nattåget till Haparanda, vilket efter ett år ledde till en flytt över halva landet (Västerås-Luleå) och byte av universitet mitt i en utbldning. Det var det dummaste och det bästa jag gjort hittills. Allt på grund av att vi fick kontakt via nätet.

Vi är inte ett par längre, däremot är han en av mina bästa vänner och vi är fortfarande kombos, tills någon av oss känner att det är dags att flytta. Men, via honom kom jag också in på onlinespelen, och de öppnar upp en hel värld av människor att umgås med. Mitt beroende blev Guild Wars och dess communities, där jag hittade många av de vänner som är mig närmast idag. En kille från Tyskland, en äldre kvinna från USA, en tjej från Australien, alla personer jag räknar som vänner. Och ovanpå det den person jag räknar som min allra närmsta vän, som jag nyligen åkte till Edinburgh för att träffa för första gången. De är livlinor och vänner, en del mycket närmre än jag kommit någon som jag först träffat “afk”. Det är helt enkelt bara ett annat sätt att umgås, med allt vad det innebär.

Och det är det sätt jag föredrar, om jag måste välja.
Som tur är måste jag inte det utan kan plocka godbitarna.

It’s time to realise

Today I’ve been reminded of the good and bad sides of living together, and being together. On the one hand, I wish I hadn’t. It was quite nice to live with a dream picture. On the other hand, it’s uplifting. Nothing is only good or bad, no matter how it seems from the outside. I’m not really satisfied with the current situation, but it’s not that bad.

A new year is here

2008 was a weird and wonderful year, in many ways. I have found friends, and found pieces of myself. I’ve thought, and talked, and I feel I’ve grown several years in just a few months. The start might have been less positive, but since then it has just got better. There will always be ups and downs, but I look forward to seeing what 2009 has in store for me.

I plan to spend money on things I like, allow myself to be nerdy. I plan to get more confident, I am actually quite good. ;) I plan to get better at showing my friends how much they mean to me. All of them. I plan to spend more time doing things I like, and less time worrying about the things I don’t like. I plan to fall in love, get crushed and disappointed, and get back on track again. It is a cycle that is necessary.

I plan to live a good life. Want to join me? :)

A few questions about love

Mymlan (one of my Swedish favourites) asks eleven questions about love, and I thought I’d do an experiment and answer them, one at a time, without editing the text afterwards. Spontaneous thoughts are interesting :)

1. What is love?
Love is a feeling, a state of mind, a biological function to help us survive. It’s also a past-time, a way to keep our overworking minds busy.

2. Can you be happy without love?
Definitely. But I don’t think you can spend a whole life without love. Without a partner, yes, but not without love. I think you need something or someone to care about. But it is definitely possible to be happy without love for shorter periods of time

3. Can you live without love?
No, I don’t think so. If you don’t have a partner, you have a friend, siblings, work mates, pets, objects. There needs to be some kind of love.

4. Is it possible to love the same person through your whole life?
Yes, it all depends on what you demand from love. What you expect. I don’t think what is defined as love today, in media, is possible to maintain your whole life. It’s too passionate, too wild, too much “for the moment”. A love lasting a whole life needs to be based on something more, and I think you need to accept that it changes. This might include being satisfied with ok, not looking for awesome all the time. It’s a choice one has to do.

5. Can you love others without loving yourself?
Yes. I don’t think it’s a healthy love, but you can.

6. Can you accept love from others if you don’t love yourself?
No. I know that now. You can understand it, logically, but not accept it. You might always see that person as being wrong, a less intelligent person, that cannot see your mistakes and failures. That doesn’t work.

7. Is it possible to love a person you haven’t met, but know through the Internet?
Absolutely. Meeting in person can both be positive and negative, just like meeting on the Internet. I don’t think there is a big difference. However, I don’t know if I can feel deep love, as in a life-long partner, without meeting the person first. I haven’t tried, but I think that’s one of the very few situations where meeting in person is a requirement to know.

8. Are we too fixed with love, and falling in love, in western society? Or is it the other way around, there’s too little love?
I think there is too much focus on love, and especially on “the love of your life”. It creates pressure and sadness, trying to fit everything into a small definition. Love can be so many things.

9. Can you love someone you don’t like?
No, I think you have to like someone to be able to love.

10. Do you have to love your children/parents?
No, but not doing so is very odd to me. I don’t think I could live such a life, though I understand a lot of people do, without problems.

11. Is there people who can’t love?
There are people for everything. Yes, I think there are people who can’t love.

Phew.

Enjoy the beautiful things

Today is a day to think of all the beautiful things in life. You know, like

  • Soft pillows
  • Lyrics that push that special button
  • Music that makes you feel
  • Ice on the lake
  • Snow on the roads
  • The smell of newly washed clothes
  • A beautiful voice
  • Love, for friends and family
  • A sleepy cat on the desk
  • Christmas getting closer
  • The taste of chocolate melting on your tongue
  • Talking in clichées, and understanding why they exist
  • Silence
  • A big hug
  • Laughing, together with someone

And all those other wonderful things you can think of. I want to hug the world, I have so much to share. :)

What is a real friend?

As I wrote earlier, I love the internet (I refuse to say Internet, it’s a phenomenon not an entity, in my head). It’s huge, it’s scary, it’s full of possibilities.

It’s also full of people, all kinds of people. I see a lot of writing about the bad things about internet, and especially about anonymity. How being anonymous brings out the worst in people, and how internet is full of haters. I agree with that, there are a lot of haters. Sometimes they really overwhelm you. But on the other hand, if you actually think about it, internet is full of nice people. They are fun, interesting, smart or just plain nice. Josh wrote a really great post on this which inspired me to write, unfortunately for some of you it is in Swedish. I’ll sum it up. He describes the general picture of people on the internet, just like I’ve done. He asks, do you really think people would spend as much time online as they do, if all they got was hate? (Of course not, I say). He also brings up examples of where he’s got help from complete strangers on different problems, just by writing about it on his blog. And in the “physical life” (I don’t like to call it real life, everything you do is real) too, someone taking care of you when life sucks. Not just talking, but letting you stay over, send things you need.

You can make awesome friends through the internet, you have other possibilities than in physical life. The internet opens up the big wide world to more people than just those socially skilled, and still almost everyone can benefit from it. You might even be able to get a closer relationship through internet, it all depends on what kind of person you are. We are unique.
My question is, how can a friend, that does exist, that obviously care, be worth less than another friend, just because you have physically met the latter but not the first?

The internet is not a unique, special, a magical thing. It is just another way of communicating. When you could suddenly talk to your friends over distance (telephone) they weren’t less real. And it still didn’t remove the need to meet people in person. Most people can’t live their life in total solitude, that haven’t changed with the internet. You just got another channel to be social through, they complete and benefit from each other to create a big picture.

Cogito, ergo sum. My friends think, therefore they exist. They aren’t different just because I’ve never met some of them.

It’s late

You better shape up, cause I need a man
And my heart is set on you
You better shape up, you better understand
To my heart I must be true

You’re the one that I want (You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You’re the one that I want (You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You’re the one that I want (You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
The one that I need, oh yes indeed

*sings*

The best

No one can have as good friends as I have. I’m totally sure.

They are.. the best. I can’t find words enough.

<3

Late night thinking

It got far too late last night, I should sleep. But I don’t want to, I want to think, talk and write.

Lots of weird, and good, thoughts pop up that late. Usually there are too many bad thoughts for it to be useful writing down, but I felt good tonight.

I’m thinking about the future. About love, friends, family, work. I look forward to being a teacher. Teaching students about two of my favourite subjects, make them understand, get better, enjoy it. Also to be there for them, see them and help them grow up, see what kind of persons they might be.

I definitely look forward to having a family. I don’t see me having one soon, but I definitely want to have one. A big one. I have so much love to give, it would be a waste to just have a few children ;)

About friends and love.. that’s tricky. I have so many friends I value, for different things, but I still struggle to think of what I can give them. It still feels like they’re my friends to be nice to me, not because I’m a good friend, even though I know that’s all wrong. I love them, I care for them. They all have their special places in a corner of my heart and it kind of overwhelms me. Not in a bad way, I just feel full of affection.
There’s also that different kind of love. I have a feeling it’s not for me. I will have to wait. I miss the physical parts (hugging, kissing, cuddling) but I don’t miss being in love. I don’t miss being focused on one person.

I’m happy. I’m so glad when I feel this way.