I’ve realised my life is up to me (am I not smart!). If I want to live all my life in a small town doing nothing, that’s my choice and my problem. No one else need to care. I don’t need to be better than someone else, or worse for that matter. I need to be me. And I need it now. I don’t need to clean up, get nicer clothes, get better at studying, or just be a “better” person in general. I have time. And if I don’t find time to do it, it wasn’t worth it in the first place. And I need to realise I can fail and do something bad, and I’m still me, and people wont suddenly hate me.
It sounds easy when I write it. It’s not that easy to get into my head :)

I’m also wondering if I’m bordering on manic-depressive :P I have my dips, which is natural and nothing weird, but afterwards I feel this super strong feeling, that I can manage everything and no one can hurt me. Whatever it is, I can handle it. It’s a scary, lovely feeling, but I’m wondering if it’s healthy. I should probably just stop thinking about it. When I finished “Women who think too much” I thought about the advice almost every day, but now they’re fading and I find myself overthinking quite often. Trying to think of a way to make the advice and theories more visible in my everyday life, but it’s hard. I feel I have some kind of block that makes me want to overthink, because when I don’t feel good, it gives me something to put my anger into. I don’t feel better really, it’s just something I’m used to. Finding problems and things to be angry at just to have a real reason to feel bad. Doesn’t it sound super healthy..?

I want to stop it, but it’s very easy to say when you feel good and everything is fine. I will have to work with this for a while. :)